The Old Becomes New

I found these old writings a little while ago and thought I would share.

Mascara and a Painted Smile – April 2008
If you can pretend I can too
Go ahead and act like it’s nothing
Your words pierce me to the core
My heart aches with every word
But don’t worry, no one will know
Just let me nurse my wounds
And fix this chink in my armor
With some mascara and a painted smile

Three Nails
Do You still feel the pain?
Can you hear the cries of the outraged?
Are my sins a reminder?
Does my hand still wield the hammer?

Three nails
Driven by my hands
Three nails
Taken for my sins
Do You remember?

It was my pain he bore
My sins that crushed, pierced and tore
He took my punishment
My sins He took on His shoulders

Three nails
Driven by my hands
Three nails
Taken for my sins
Do you remember?

I did this for you
I was the Lamb slain
All for you, All for you

Three nails
Driven by your hands
Three nails
Taken for your sins
Do you remember?

Memories – July 2006
I stand in this empty room
Surrounded by broken memories
Everything a reminder
Of sins past occurred
Though given a chance
Through love’s redemptive power
The pain and sorrow
Brought on by remembering
Is almost too much to bear
But as I stand I remember
A life laid down for all
My life laid down in all
And my heart bows down

Dreams – July 2006
Daydreams dashed in the darkness
While the wind blows
The pieces of my heart
That were never fully mended
The familiar pain creeps
In to haunt these dreams
Dreams, once filled with hope
Now filled with uncertainty
I thought I had found it
But then I lost it
I thought I could hold it
But in the end it held me
In the place between
Sleep and consciousness
In the place where colors seem to fade
Where voices are too loud
And memories are all too real
I can’t decide on waking
Or allowing sleep
For waking is pain
But sleep is ignorance

Patience is a Virtue

After describing my overwhelming need and desire to write in my last post, one would assume I would write more often than I am. I should be more philosophical about this absence of writing but the truth is, I have no Internet at my newlywed home. I am illegally using the Internet for ‘personal gain’ on my work computer. But that is the price one pays when I have to call students to ask what they would like to do with their lives. Most of the time I rub the fact that these students are losers and have not found a job yet in their already discouraged faces.

A weight has been lifted off my chest as of today. There is just too many factors that could affect what should have already lifted this weight. But sometimes all I need is some cold, hard truth to actually begin to breathe again. So here I am; breathing my prayer of thanks that for just a while longer, my husband and I will remain just that, me and my husband.

I read an article that suggested that maybe, just maybe my ‘problems’ are an allergy. An interesting thought to say the least. But I am not completely convinced given the fact that I have a hard time believing I can be allergic to a God-given part of me. That is like being allergic to my spleen. Can you be allergic to your spleen? I guess I should re-read that article.

Well here is to actually updating my newly re-found love. Cheers.

Following the Trends

For a long time I was unable to write. I used to say it was because I had nothing to say. Then I realized it was because I was angry and blaming the Author of life. How anyone can claim to author something incredible without acknowledging the Person who first created words, I am not sure. Now, I seem to think in poetic phrases and in seemingly profound sentences. Who knows, maybe I am just full of it.

I walk now. Maybe that has something to do with it. Gas prices have finally reached a point that I have been forced to find another way of transportation. I am just glad that I live so close to campus.

I do know that marriage seems to create an unexplainable sense of peace in my life, that is for sure. I have more confidence in myself and am more sure of my capabilities. Maybe it was this union that is so Divinely perfect for me that has reopened the love for words that once was.

Or maybe I merely have something to say now.

Welcome to my new blog.